I am the horribly cliche type of guy.

I can't help but feel as if my life lacks meaning, a certain sense of direction. I'd even go as far as to say that there's nothing I'm really even fervent about right now. Well, actually that's a lie; I guess there are some things I really do apply myself to with vigor.. passion even (it sounds horribly cliche, but I'm just that type of a guy).

But what use is applying passion if it only lands me in some dank pit of ambiguity and gloom?It's probably the small hope that maybe one day I'll climb out of that pit and be met with certainty and happiness. 

But until then I'm just sitting here trying as hard as I can to find my way out; and from my attempts, it seems that I'm not a very good climber.. not in the least.

One should also note that my life isn't all doom and gloom. Though I may not be where I ideally want to be at this very moment and while I am not quite content with staying there, I am still very much quite happy that I at least mean something (though what that something is I am very unsure of).

jklsjfl

I wish that I wasn't so impatient; then I wouldn't have to be so very despondent so very often.

I wish that I wasn't so very melodramatic when anything doesn't immediately go my way; then I wouldn't inadvertently hurt people with my self pitying drivel.

But more than these, I just wish life were a little more perfect and a lot easier.

 

This is possibly the worst blog I've ever written.

I want to make some time for reading, I recently bought some really nice books and would very much enjoy a day where I could just laze about and read.  But I'm sure I'll have plenty of days where I'll be able to do this on the holidays. Especially seeing as I'm being taken to Brisbane for the majority of my holidays.

In fact I could probably be spending this time reading. But for some strange reason I do not feel compelled to anymore.

I could sit here and write a huge paragraph about what I'm feeling, but I think I'll be a little more blunt and just say it straight up.

I just tried to be blunt and was met with dismal failure, so I guess I'll just write some ambiguous and emotionally retarded paragraph.

Maybe I should start this off by first saying that I am not a very patient man. I do not enjoy waiting for things and barely, if ever see the point of said waiting.

So anyone who knows my current predicament must now realise that I feel as if I am going slightly insane. This is more because of the ambiguity that waiting breeds than anything else.

But the euphoric moments when I'm full of hope are also extremely good; the best I've felt in a long time. So I don't really know what to think.

Also I'm pretty sure you should tell me what you said :)

I'm no free spirit; I'm just fucking lonely.

I try to put on a big act that everything doesn't worry me too much.  But somewhere beneath what I'm sure is an extremely shallow mask lies the not-so-well-hidden fact that I'm just some sentimental screw up with a lot of insecurities and a case of unrequited affection.

But this is probably just me over-thinking and scrutinizing every little detail in my life. 

It's amazing how one small act can affect me so profoundly, how one nonchalant comment can make me rethink and question a lot of the decisions I've made in life. I wish I could exude confidence as easily as everybody else seems to. But maybe deep down everyone feels this way, and I'm just a rubbish actor?

I just wish that life could be a whole lot easier than it was, but then again, I'd probably complain about that too.

This is why nobody should ever take my complaining to heart, because when it all comes down to it that's all it is: complaining.

Damn these titles.

It's probably just because I'm tired (and when I get tired I do get a little grumpy and depressive) or possibly because I've just gotten over a wave of euphoria, but I'm seeing a lot of negative aspects in everything lately. 

It's hard to explain but I just can't help but feel as if everything I've been saying lately is useless and inadequate. I'd say it's all stemming from some frustrating things that have been happening lately. I mean it's only really frustrating because I can't help but feel that happiness is just one small step away.  You know I feel really immature and selfish writing these things down. But I guess no matter what anyone says to disprove it, man has a natural disposition to put himself before others.

I know I like her, I just wish she could be a little clearer about how she feels. In saying that however, I don't want to rush her because she has just gotten out of something that was probably quite traumatic and damaging to her.

I guess this is why they say patience is a virtue. Yet patience does scare me a little bit too, I can't help but fear that if I wait too long things will get tepid. 

In conclusion, I'm a bit of a fuckhead with a bad case of selfishness.

You might as well just not read it.

I have nothing to write about, so please excuse the first few sentences as I ramble on until I find something with some substance to talk about.

I wish life were easy. In a perfect world we could all have exactly what we wanted without it impacting upon anyone else- nah that's a lame subject bro.

Talk about women.

It does kind of hurt you know, but only in a selfish sort of way.

What's a few weeks (or months for that matter) of waiting going to do?

I guess the real problem here is that I fear the aftermath of her confusion. What if she realises she doesn't have those feelings for me?

At least I'm not really feeling that whole rejection blues thing anymore, which I guess is a plus.

She is rather amazing though.

Sorry for the lame blog, I'm drained bro.

If you say fork fast enough it sounds dirty.

I hate these forks in the road where you have to choose one way or another. We have no way of knowing what lies ahead on these paths, and what is frustrating is that they're probably going to end up at the same place. Do we continue down a path that requires hope and will most likely lead to exactly where we are now, or do we take the other path just to spice things up for a change?

The only method of deciding on my route is through my current outlook on life, which isn't much help since it seems to change almost daily.

I'm tired of being awash in these pedantic motions. I need some certainty in my life, something that I can hold onto.