Maybe I should start with why I have decided to create this page? Well we can put it down to one person really; someone who I don't really know all too well in the sense of time and space, but someone who has nonetheless influenced my life in profound and wonderful ways. The person I am talking about knows who she is (hopefully) and needs no further explanation to others unaware of her identity.
But without further ado, I present to you a vehement tidal wave of the illogical ideas that inhabit my mind:
Sometimes it really is the little things that count, you know? Some offhanded remark can either leave you with a sense of great achievement or otherwise shattered to the very core of your psyche. The worst part of it all is that most of the time it is offhanded and nonchalant; it's like the person saying these things has no qualms with telling me that my dreams are bollocks or that I'm not very good at the things I do. I hate that every good feeling I have about myself can be reduced to rubble with some snide remark from some pretentious muppet. But you know, all that is just symptoms of something bigger. I hate being self conscious to an extent where I interpret every little thing someone says until I can find something wrong with everything I am.
I watched a movie that I had bought early last year and never gotten around to actually watching. It's titled The Libertine, and it follows the downward spiral of John Wilmot (the second earl of rochester, and a gifted, albeit a quite crude, poet) and his constant pursuit of temptation. It was such a good film that I decided to watch Trainspotting afterwards, to further follow this theme of complete and utter acceptance of some of mankinds greatest vices: sex and drugs. I also saw Into the Wild the other day.
I think the combined effect of viewing these three movies within such a short space of time has given me a hopelessly naive longing to be free. To be my own man, to not be tied down anywhere. Maybe I'll go join some sort of travelling circus?
Well I'd better not drain my mind of all its crazy tonight; as well as scaring away my very few (and most probably single) blog reader/s, it will also exhaust me of ideas for future blogs.
See you space cowboy..
I think your comment on offhand remarks is so true! Its strange, if 99 people say good things and one says bad things, it's always that one comment that you dwell on, I guess it's human nature to focus on the negatives. Anyway I hope you don't mind if I follow your blog.
ReplyDeleteNot at all, go ahead.
ReplyDeleteAs long as I never have to look you in the eye in real life.